Dear Lamp Love Moth

by Ruth Theodore

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credits

released June 10, 2013

All words and music by Ruth Theodore

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Ruth Theodore London

New record 'Cactacus', produced by Todd Sickafoose, release 23rd September 2016!

Ruth taught herself guitar as a busker, going on to share a stage with award winning artists such as Ani Difranco, Chastity Brown, Nick Harper. Releasing 5 records to date receiving high praise from The Guardian, BBC Radio3 & BBC6music.
Ruth can also be found playing crazy eastern european Violin in dark corners.
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Track Name: Strings
“Oh where do the feelings go when they die?”
Cries a marionette to a hole in the sky.
“Will all I hold closest change before I notice?
Like the stars alive in the past?

Just like the stars alive in the past.
Hanging on their strings.
Poor things, poor things.
Give me a length of time and a way with gravity
and I will bind her hands and ask him to carry me,
back to my old flame, my ball and chain,
up to the stars alive in the past.

‘Cause either you remind me of someone
or I’ve stared so long I’ve become one.
Bolted and boarded, borrowed and haunted
and hollow now as
empty houses.

A tooth for a tooth an eye for an eye!”
Cries the marionette to the hole in the sky.
“Make me part of the process ‘cause I’ve aged before I’ve noticed.
Like the stars alive in the past.

I’m just like the stars alive in the past.
Hanging from my strings.
Poor strings, poor strings.
I’ve got a waistline and a date with gravity.
I like his low notes and I go where they carry me,
back to my old ways, my cool phase,
up to the stars alive in the past -

Where I’d ride the arcades too.
When I’d dance to anything and be a fool for you
darlin’. Back in my youth
when I gave you eyes the size of balloons!
balloons!
But now what’s the use?
To move we must balance and to balance move
and balloons were made to stray and drift away,
up to the stars alive in the past.

Up to the stars alive in the past.
Tugging at their strings.
Wild things, wild things.
Give them an inch and they’ll turn their backs to me.
If I give them a mile and they’ll come around to me.
So give me a rope and I’ll swing,
give me a hope and I’ll scream to the stars alive in the past -

That the child in me has a hand gun
and she’s holding me for a ransom
she says
oh fuckin hell, you don’t look too well
didn’t you know that empty houses
have ghosts?
And they don’t come out til
after dark, and they
don’t come out in my photographs.

On one hand I can be pulling myself forward.
On the either I’m just cutting myself slack.
I’ve got to wonder what there is I can move towards,
if everything’s moving back in time.

Old flame.
My old love. Keeps
churning out a light
that can never catch me up.
Like a struck string
kept shaking in its resonance,
the echo of a love
can love out live its presence.
And the heart can race
from the moment it is struck
but a true feeling like a bruise
is always slower to show up.
Oh poor thing

Wouldn’t change where it comes from.
Not for all of the lights in London.
So leave it undisturbed as dust for long enough
cause thats my love.

Still I’d like to pretend I have better friends,
and ways to spend the early hours
than to get some sleep”.
Track Name: Archimedes
this situation has no pulse
but we keep barking up this fallen tree
that old Hope returns us to
telling us it will be different or somehow new
but i’m on the scent of those two dead dogs
digging at their own bones
with their fingers crossed
they’ll only dig deep enough down
to feel their own heat through the hard ground

and you can’t get anything past me
(Archimedes eat your heart out)
‘cause you should know ‘cause blow by blow
i’ve tried to tell you so

but this situation has no pulse
still we keep barking up this fallen tree
that old Hope returns us to
telling us it will be different or somehow new
and you wouldn’t want to say
what you wouldn’t give
for a little less weight and a little more lift
but yeah you can split a hair
and make a big scene out of thin air

but you can’t get anything past me
(Archimedes eat your heart out)
‘cause you should know ‘cause blow by blow
i’ve tried to tell you so

i said:
there’s always a catch and the tighter you grip
to the time that you have the more
fingers it slips through

but that conversation had no pulse
so we took it out into the street to set it free
left to walk along the words and chose
to tell us something different or somehow new
but let off the lead it just slumped to the ground
so we dug each other up and stripped each other down
and found: exposed to my own bone
i can go so cold i turn to stone

and its like you can’t get anything past me
(Archimedes eat your heart out)
Archimedes
Track Name: The Heart
every vein runs back to the heart
i thought i could stand it
i don’t stand a chance

and i found you here
while i was digging this hole
the one where i keep things
under control
and you go to show that no-one can say
that i won’t dig up what i bury today

‘cause every time blood runs back through my heart
a part of me ends up back where it starts

so shovel in tow i walk back to the road
whose tunnels and channels
i already know and while there’s
always some new hoop to jump through
every step that i take i can trace back to you

‘cause every vein runs back to the heart

should i be apologetic or can i admit that i’m not
asking the rules to change or getting the seasons to stop
coming around
but as happiness surges off on its course
ambition will tempt it away from its source
by the palm of its hand
through the valleys and hills
from the sound of the heart as it empties and fills

so next time you’re out
look up at the stars
and know what you’re seeing is all in the past
and if it’s never the time
i’m asking how you
can say it’s too late when it still feels
too soon

‘cause every time blood runs back through my heart
a part of me ends up back where it starts
Track Name: Psychosis & The Willow
The wind blows in the Willows limbs
that stroke my skin and wake me.
And though I do not mean to go
I know he’s come to take me.

He lowers his crook neck down to the deck
where the buck stops, and with laughter drops
a tow rope at my feet for me to tie it in to sailors knots.
And then he weaves me a path of leaves
that seems to beckon me in but as swiftly,
I feel a cruel wind fill his sails
as he lifts his veil as if to kiss me,
and says:

“I’ve felt you wander from my inches to my feet
as I in turn have burned a hole in every single sheet
that you have been beneath, but are we consciously discreet?
Or just all the more perceptive in detecting our deceit?
As the cold hearts of our body parts go hunting in the heat
we pass each other in the dark but never seem to meet”.

Now fingers first I climb his scales like I was blind and he was braille.
And down my back the tow rope trails like a veil.
‘Cause its only when you’re trying to stay afloat that you find the cracks in yourself.
I said it only when you’re trying to stay afloat that you find the cracks in yourself.

A sound crawls from my open mouth
that tries drown his voices out,
but falls unheard into the dirty water.
And around my throat the tow rope slacks
and then tightens. And it all goes black
‘Cause I’m hung like a bat from a knot in his back
and as he stirs
he says
“Can you hear the birds?”

“Now left blinking in the blackness you must await the eager spurs
of the hungry hunched and haunted landing lightly on my burns.
A sure sign that soon enough this hunt will gather speed
and digits deep as buried teeth will tear at chunks of meat.
And every piece of eye or heart on which I cannot feast
I’ll leave for the vultures and heavy bellied fall to sleep”.

And then I wake to creases on my face
and fingers full of splinters.
How will I last another night?
Never mind another winter.
Track Name: Slowdance
they’re playing love songs on the radio
i stole you
that i stole you
in inch of snow and forecast full of rain
that days ago had made its way into your stereo

where virtuoso’s spill their guts
over who climbs what and how high and
how much it grates
that i can make mistakes
and i can break my strings
and that aside from this song i sing
i haven’t got you anything

where are my hand fulls of roses?
where are my promises that i’m yours?
and where is my sense of adventure?
seems i only ever climb your contours

and i said its better to wait for the weather
to blow us apart or throw us together
cause i’ve read things about words like forever

plus your plastered and pouring in
at 4 in the morning
saying don’t you want to get down to it in the bath
i’m going to take you up to Greenwich to see the stars
and the comets but your
tying ribbons around an empty promise
and you’re backing horses with your empty pockets
all in vain
and acting like its all the rage
oh the rage

‘cause every picture fades in its offer
as the plans we make get raided with the coppers
if thats what you meant by pulling out the stoppers

where are your hand fulls of roses?
where are those promises of yours?
and where is your sense of adventure?
seems you only ever climb my contours

and then in the morning i hear you creeping
and then leaving for work in the clothes you sleep in
oh how did i miss them?
what was i thinking?

those are your handfuls of roses
and these are my promises
that i’m yours
and yeah its my idea of romance
cause its a slow dance
and of course

step by step
we’re at home in the weather as she blows us apart and throws us together
like she’s read things about words like forever
and if everyone’s scared
if nobodies sure or good enough for anyone else anymore
then what do i care?
i don’t need to be cured
or endlessly reassured
and i’m so sure that i’m not sure
i’m so sure i’m not sure

what i upset myself for
Track Name: Algae
my algae doesn’t let my pond life breathe
(pull your weight)
keeps it cordoned and policed
but since that ‘new moon’ is just the same one
come on old Sun
pull your weight

pull your weight
‘cause i’m crawling out from the grey
come to show you my beauty before its decayed
to say i possess the pulse and plight
of a parasite that grows towards the light
(so pull your weight)

my ancestors and me
(pull your weight)
born with more eyes than teeth
were washed up on the sand
like the first life on land
so come on old Sun
pull your weight

pull your weight
‘cause i’m crawling out from the grey
come to show you my beauty before its decayed
to say i possess the pulse and plight
of a parasite that grows towards the light

stay the night
fed in day starved in darkness
i’ll take my time and my chances
treasured or tarnished
drenched in light drowned in
daylight your problem is this:
i was born short sighted
i’ve never hit a target
drenched in light drowned in
daylight
stay the night

or i’ll get up in your face
and throw my weight
into your corners and shades
‘cause since that new moon is still the same one
come on old sun
pull your weight

pull your weight
‘cause i’m crawling out of the grey
come to show you my beauty before its decayed
to say i possess the pulse and plight
of a parasite that grows towards the light
stay the night
daylight
spend the night
Track Name: Bull Fight
Matador are you calling my bluff?
And why wait until now to start pushing your luck?
You know I’ll still want what you wave when I’m very old.
And I’d fall apart in your hands and profess
my pounding heart in its heaving chest
but you are only human, and after all,

its a Bull Fight.
But call it what you like
its the last thing I wanted.
Where I try and I try
like any moment I could be just what you needed.

But alright Matador lets give them what they came for.
I have the hunch of a lifetime to play for.
Go on prove me wrong be unstoppable.
‘Cause they may love you now
but this crowd will go home
whilst the centre of attention is always alone.
Beware what you wish for out there they do miracles.
And they talk in tongues and are unimpressed
by my pounding feet and I could care less!
They are only human and after all

its a Bull Fight.
But call it what you like
its the last thing I wanted.
Where I try and I try
like any moment I will be just what you needed.

drive one
home grown
fish blood
and bone
short dress
front row
she’s nice
I know
that you won’t if you don’t try so throw like the crow flies...

Bulls Eye.
That one got me right where I’m haunted.
Where I cry and I cry
‘cause I feel left behind,
and like the last thing you needed.

So Matador are you calling my bluff?
And why wait ‘til now to start pushing your luck?
You know I’ll still want what you wave when I’m very old.
And they say you don’t half choose them,
and if only I’d see it was all an illusion
... Looks like I am only human
after all.
Track Name: Snakes & Ladders
I remember it got heated
more than any one remark.
A mute scene stifled by the sound of breaking glass.
I remember wishing you away
and getting thrown out in the dark.
Being half way up the motorway
and still breathing in the shards.
And from then we’ve gone our separate ways.
Shaken up and shocked.
Floating out on different planes.
Slowly cooling off.
But i remember it got heated
and getting thrown out in the dark.
900,000 years i’ve drifted to the sound of breaking glass.
And since then everything’s been running
from everything else.
Gradually the Galaxies
have been loosening off their belts.
Seems they too would sooner replace
one strangers face with another,
than be made to face those parts of themselves
they recognise in each other -
And i remember it got heated and the sound of breaking glass.
I remember wishing you away and getting thrown out in the dark.
And now if only there were snakes to take!
But I am bound instead for those who otherwise
would have only turned my head.
And with every step I take
the more uncertain I become,
now I know the gap between them
widens with each rung.
Though only relative to me
do natures rules keep changing,
when relatively, I always have been aging.
900,000 years I’ve drifted!
and still I cannot fathom,
for the life of me,
how this could have happened -
I just remember it got heated
and the sound of breaking glass
now I’m halfway up the milkyway
and still breathing in the shards.
Track Name: Pinocchia
Pinocchia, your mum and me are sick with worry.
So fair play you got away, now say you’re sorry
for taking all of the gold and the silver.
Without a fish bone or a cherry stone
hunger is a terrible illness.

And honestly Pinocchia, I don’t know how it happens,
or what cuss makes us so afraid of fierce dogs and mad men,
when it’s wearing a brave face that kills us.
And when the future knows what we don’t know
oh fear can be a terrible illness.

she says:
It’s very late!
I am going forward.
The night is dark!
I am going on.
It’s a dangerous road!
I am going forward alone.

And she says it’s alright for me,
I have my hands and my feet.
My gull and its wings. My heart and its beat.
But I say:
Pinocchia, you and me are not so different.
We both twist and turn our words until they listen.
And either one of us could have blown the whistle,
but we didn’t,
so we will never completely be forgiven.

So hold at bay those you’ve betrayed
and hope those birds of prey all just fly away.
At every halt that you grind to your insides will find you
all alone and with no-one to lie to,
believe, believe, believe...

that Pinocchia, your imposter he has a guilty pleasure.
A poppy mixture up to which you’ll never measure.
And the cravings are cruel and contagious.
His fists are tight in its grip and its
whispers are a terrible illness.

But Polendina personally I’d curb your temper,
keep the peace, slack the leash, and she’ll remember,
how you swept her brow and told her how much you loved her.
How you took her by the hand and taught her how to put
one foot in front of the other.

she says:
It’s very late!
I am going forward.
The night is dark!
I am going on.
It’s a dangerous road!
I am going forward alone.

Oh Emily,
you move us like pieces,
around a truth stretched as far as it reaches.
And though she buys the lies you tell her in front of me,
still the truth does not come from me, come from me,
but grows like the threat that it poses you.
It grows and it grows so suppose that you

hold at bay those you’ve betrayed.
Suppose those birds of prey all just fly away!
At every halt that you grind to your insides will find you,
all alone and with no-one to lie to,
believe, believe, me.

‘Cause Pinocchia, your mum and me are sick with worry.
And we lose a life-line every time you change your story,
so we stay and we stay in the stillness.
Without a telephone or a letter home
oh love can be a terrible illness.

And she says:
This time I’m coming clean
squeaky, squeaky.
All is as it seems
I told you, told you.
Are you looking at me?
want some, want some?

Who goes there,
goes there?
Track Name: Heavies
according to all of the clocks
i am older than when i set off
but sure as each hand feels its way around
i will not be put off
i will not be stopped

so send in the Heavies
i’m ready for anything
and you started it
so i will have to finish you
i will hold you to it if i have to

be the first to emerge
as when the dormant awaits its rebirth
it savours its skin
binding and silken
looks all the way down and then pleads
to the sycamore seed

and says

“this is my chrysalis
my own
my metamorphosis”
and covers it in the biggest kisses
says “you know i’ll keep imagining
that you’re all around me
like a silver lining
a light defying that anything
is down to timing”

‘cause throughout life i have sought
things that straighten but never pull taut
things that coil in the hand
things that understand
that there are things to see through
and there are things to abort

so fuck it
fuck it and its time limit
i was only just getting into it
and short lived
as life is
i like it
and best for its
rough edges